Anthony,

Grief, Loss, and Prevention

In this month of suicide awareness, I've found myself reflecting on — and being reminded of — the people I've lost. Not all of them died by suicide, but loss is loss all the same. Grief is strange. It pops up at the most random times. It ebbs and flows with the seasons — a song as a reminder, a springtime cardinal, a funny story, a smell, a taste. As I live on without the ones who've left, those reminders have changed for me. Some I take as signs that I'm making someone proud. Some I simply take as an opportunity for thanks and remembering.

Anthony

In the past, I wrote about a close friend I lost last year. Anthony was one of those rare cases where his past self could have very well been the thing that took his own life. He struggled with addiction and alcoholism for a long time, but in the time I knew him, he was a changed man. He got clean and dedicated his life to helping others.

He managed the gym I still work at today, and he became like an older brother and mentor to me in the time we knew each other. He always went above and beyond to take the time to listen and understand people, even if they were different from him. He created a men's group to help others struggling with addiction, and he was on his way to becoming a huge influence to many. When I started Well Crafted Man, he was one of the first people to really believe in the vision I had for this brand.

Unfortunately, a seizure in his sleep took him from us a little over a year ago. That loss hit me like a freight train. I felt like I had lost a brother and a part of my soul.

Regardless, after that I found new meaning in that loss. The cardinal will always be a reminder of him, since he had one tattooed on his chest representing his new life. Every time I see one, I am remotivated, refocused, to continue trying to make the world a little bit better — like he would have done.

The Point

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is this: losing someone close always fucking sucks. There's no way around that. But just like anything else, we define ourselves by how we take that grief and react to it. We have a choice — we can either wallow in it and forget, or we can use it as fuel to become the best versions of ourselves and carry forward those people's legacy through our own actions.